Reactions of Others

This is from Lose it For Life Day by Day, April 10th.

We must be aware that some people will have doubts and may attempt to sabotage our progress in recovery, even when they are happy for us. They may say, "A little won't hurt!" or, "You can't have that ever?" This can be discouraging and throw us off track if we again focus our attention on deprivation rather than the fullness of life in God.

We must stay focused on how Jesus is restoring us to our "right mind." We have been given the opportunity to allow God to do the impossible through us. Sitting at the feet of Jesus -- a surrendered position -- we have become God-focused instead of food-focused. We begin to lose or maintain weight and grow spiritually. We are not bothered by the negative reactions of others.

I like eating a healthy diet. I feel better. It is easy to maintain my weight. I sleep better. My skin looks better. But there always seem to be food-pushers around. The holidays come and there are special holiday foods to eat and people look at you funny if you don't eat those foods. Or we go on vacation and my routine is thrown off and I don't want to bother with bringing along food to stick to my routine. However, because I know how much better I feel when I stick to my food plan, when events arise that through me off, I am much quicker about getting back to normal. And because I have finally learned what works for me, I am not tempted to try every diet plan (or "non-diet" plan) that comes out. I am in a good place. I like it. I have been working on being binge-free. Today is day 100! This is the year I am going to be binge-free. I just need to remember to "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak." ~ Matthew 26:41.

Scriptures before Bingeing

This is a list of scripture for me to review any time I feel the urge to binge. If you have any suggestions for this list, please share them.

Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:12

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak. ~ Matthew 26:41

Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food. ~ Isaiah 55:2

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take you stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you! ~ Galatians 5:1

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. ~ Hebrews 10:36

I discipline my body...training it to do what it should. ~ 1 Corinthians 9:27

Oh listen, dear child—become wise; point your life in the right direction. Don't drink too much wine and get drunk; don't eat too much food and get fat. Drunks and gluttons will end up on skid row, in a stupor and dressed in rags. ~ Proverbs 23:19

Fitness Friday

As I mentioned in a post earlier this week, I had another binge this week. It wasn't anything horrible - just 11 points worth of WW snacks. I have recommitted myself to remaining binge-free. My first goal is one year binge-free. I have started re-reading the Lose It for Life Day by Day Devotional. It is one year long, so I will finish it at the same time I am binge-free for one year.

Here is a list of various binge-triggers I have.

Foods
Candy
Fast food
Cookies
Popcorn
More than 1 glass of wine
Restaurant food
Sugar
Sugar Alcohols
Pastries
Carbs without Protein

Environment
Alone at home
Parties
Holidays
Change in Routine
Change in Plans
Staying at work for lunch
Out to eat for lunch
Work

Emotions
Stress
Bored
Depressed
Procrastinating
Fatigue
PMS

Days of the Week
Tuesdays
Wednesdays
Weekends - used to be a problem, but not anymore

Physical
Feel sick
Cold
Taking cold medicine
Digestive Pain
Drop in blood sugar - I don't actually check my blood sugar, but I think this is what causes that shaky, "I've got to have food NOW" feeling

Time of Day
Afternoons

Enough about binging....here is where I am at on my goals for September:

Be 100% on 10 (or more) (currently 100% on 17)
Miss less than 100 healthy habits total (have missed 54 so far)
4.5 Hours of Weight Training (4.2 hours so far)
Run at least 4 times (two times)
Do pilates at least once
Do yoga at least once
Do each of these machines at the gym - elliptical, arch trainer, stair mill, expresso bike, cardio wave
Do Turbo Sculpt at least once
Do Turbo Jam at least once

Only Grace

by Matthew West

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

An’ there's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace…

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Ohh…get…back…up…again…


There's only grace…
There's only love…
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only…there’s only…grace…

There's only mercy and believe
me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There’s only…grace……
So get back up…get back up again…
Get back up again.

I heard this song on the way home from my bible study last night. The words really spoke to me where I was at after an afternoon binge and a recommittment to being binge free.

Fitness Friday

Having a plan last weekend helped tremendously. I didn't stick to it perfectly, but it gave me guidance and made me mindful of my weekend choices.

This week has been fairly good. My nephew's vigil and funeral threw some abnormality into my week and Tuesday I didn't do well on my healthy habits at all (eating was overboard, no exercise at all). However, I issued myself a 2-day 100% Healthy Habit Challenge for Wednesday (100%) and Thursday (only missed 2 for 93%) which got me right back in control.

Now I am facing a three-day weekend away from home. We are leaving for Dallas this morning (a 6 hour drive) and going to a concert tonight. We'll be staying with Sugar Pop's parents tonight and tomorrow and driving home Sunday. Trips like this used to really through me off my plan sometimes for weeks at a time, but I have gotten much better at eating sensibly away from home and resuming my healthy habits immediately. I have a small spiral that I started taking on trips last April. I use it to track my healthy habits, food, exercise, and tips to myself for future trips. This has proven very helpful. I can see what stumbling blocks to watch out for and can remember things that helped me stay on track.

Do I sound like a tyrant with myself? Don't start thinking that I don't allow myself to splurge. I am all about splurges, but it is very important that I keep them controlled. Losing control leads to binging and I am NOT going down that road again. I have made a commitment to myself (and God) to not binge ever again. (Today will be 105 days binge-free.) By keeping track of my eating and exercise, avoiding potential triggers, and relying on God for my strength, I will continue to remain binge-free. Journalling so extensively keeps me honest. When I stop all the journalling, unhealthy habits start to creep in and the pounds start to creep on. Journalling is not slavery to me, it is the tool I use to ensure my freedom from being controlled by food.

Settling into Maintenance

This is week 5 of my 6 week weight maintenance break. I was reflecting on the previous weeks and it occurred to me that it wasn't until last week that I really relaxed in maintenance mode. I was struggling with binge eating (which is part of the reason I decided to take the maintenance break) for the first three weeks. I would binge and then want to go back to weight loss points. Then I finally decided that binging was "no longer an option." I want to give it up FOREVER. Now that I have done that and feel like the issue is settled, I feel very comfortable at maintenance points. And interestingly, the scale has gone down about a pound after 11 days of no binging (even though I am eating 27 points a day).

I know I have to be on my guard though. I need to stay close to God because the "binge monster" could attack at any time. I reviewed my list of differences between a binge and a splurge yesterday, just to keep me on my toes. I bought some Ginger Chews at Drug Emporium yesterday. I could have easily eaten the entire bag (and made myself sick in the process, I'm sure), but I recognized I was on the verge of a binge and I did not want to go there. I do realize I need to be on alert though...I could have easily eaten through the entire bag before I realized I had just binged. As it turns out, I had five pieces - 100 calories. God is my strength and I am sure that He is responsible for alerting me to the danger I was encountering. I can't even remember how he "snapped me out of it" but I know that it was Him. I must watch and listen for His voice.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the awareness you gave me yesterday. I was tempted to eat that entire bag, but you rescued me. I am your little sheep who so easily wanders off and gets trapped in the brush or falls into the river. Please keep a watch on me and continue to rescue me when I get too close to danger. It feels good to have been saved BEFORE I needed it. Thank you. In Jesus Name I Praise You. Amen.

Differences between a binge and a splurge:

A binge is alone. A splurge is with Friends or Family
A binge is always processed food. A splurge is probably processed food, but could just be high calorie food.
A binge is large quantity. A splurge can be a regular or large serving,
A binge is not measured. A splurge is a prepared serving.
A binge is unsatisfying. A splurge is satisfying.
During a binge I feel out of control. During a splurge I feel in control.
A binge is eating fast. A splurge is eating slow.
Don't really taste food during a binge. Savor food during a splurge.
During a binge I don't enjoy the food. A splurge is enjoyable.
Eat from the box or bag during a binge. Eat off a plate or bowl during a splurge.
A binge comes with or due to negative emotions. A splurge is for celebratory reasons.
A binge leads to guilt. A splurge doesn't.
A binge is self-indulgent. A splurge can nurture.
A binge is usually an unconscious decision. A splurge is a conscious choice.

The sinful nature

We are so imperfect. Most of the things we do are imperfect. Jesus came for us because we are imperfect and sin comes easily. Don't despair. ~ Mother Angelica

I am definitely imperfect and it bugs me because I am a perfectionist. I'm trying to do this weight maintenance thing and yesterday I binged - Two 12 oz cups of Vanilla Wafers, and oatmeal raisin cookie, two 8 oz cups of cheez-its, a BIG spoonful of peanbutter (instead of a measured spoonful like I have every day), then a normal supper and pudding even though I was stuffed. Yuck!

I'm like Paul who said:

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. ~ Romans 7:15,18-19

However, he goes on to say:

But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. ~ Romans 7:20-25

And then in Chapter 8, he says:

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. ~ Romans 8:5-14

I need to remember the part that I bolded. I do not have to do what my sinful nature wants me to do. I do not have to stuff myself with processed food (a binge is ALWAYS with processed food, never with whole foods). Through the power of the Holy Spirit I can put to death the bingeing.

The Next Six Weeks

I've been struggling with losing a few pounds for months now. I am really getting aggravated with it and I am feeling very obsessed with the number on the scale. I've been having binges more often which is making it even harder to get the weight off.

This weekend the sermon was on "How to Make Important Changes" and it had me thinking about my weight loss, binging, fitness, etc. I want to stop the binging. Don talked about "Rear View Mirror Practice" and the different places we identify the behavior we are wanting to change. Imagine the behavior is a car passing us on the right side. If we don't see the car (behavior) until it is passed us (we done it again), that is not a failure. It is a victory because we are identifying it. As we practice the change, we start to notice the "car" when it is beside (we are in the middle of the behavior) and we catch ourself. That is also a victory. With time we begin to use the mirror and see the behavior coming up behind us and put our self on alert.

Anyway, I was thinking about this during communion time and how I have been struggling with the number on the scale and with binging and eating healthy and all that "stuff." It came to me that I need to just do maintenance for six weeks. I almost recoil at the thought of it because I want to see that magic number. However, I also want to take some pressure off myself. I mulled it over all day yesterday and since I got up this morning. I believe the idea of doing maintenance came from God as it was nothing I had even pondered until communion yesterday. I am going to trust Him and work on maintenance the next six weeks.

Kairos Novena

I binged Monday afternoon. I am tired of this. I do not want to beat myself up about it though. I am going to move forward. I will begin a NINE DAY KAIROS NOVENA to prepare myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually for the Kairos that begins on the 15th.

Here are my daily goals for the Novena:
1. Drink 5 bottles of water a day
2. Drop to 20 points (have been at 22)
3. Minimum 7,500 steps per day
4. Have Chai tea or milk instead of pudding for my evening snack.
5. Adjust morning and afternoon snacks to include carb/protein combination.
6. Quiet my world...less radio, less tv, less itunes...listen for the still small voice of God.
7. Cut down blog reading.
8. Get to bed before 11:00.
9. Prepare at least 9 bags for donation to the Women's Center.

I will also be aiming for 100% on my daily healthy habits. 9 days at 100% seems impossible "but with God everything is possible.” Matthew 19:26.

Do Not Despair

Our courteous Lord does not want his servants to despair even if they fall frequently and grievously. Our failing does not stop His loving us. ~ Julian of Norwich

Praise the Lord that our failing does not keep Him from loving us. I feel like I've been failing a lot lately. I have been having problems with bingeing again. Not HUGE binges, but enough food (and of course it is junk food) that I feel overly stuffed and gross from eating. Yesterday was another one of those days. The prior three times this month, I was blaming it on cold medicine but that was not the problem yesterday (unless it was a sympathy reaction to Sugar Pop's cold medicine). So yesterday makes 4 times this month - the most since November 2005.

I am turning this over to God. This morning I pulled out the Dieter's Prayer Book and I will start reading it again. I have read through this book at least three times. It really does help keep me on track and I always seem to struggle when I am noting reading it. Actually, I should say that I am always struggling when I pick it back up again.

I am tired of fighting this binge monster by myself. It is time to let God fight him for me.