Judged by a Perfectionist

Saturday we were at a family reunion. I was using the restroom and noticed the hostess had left toiletries on the counter and yeast infection medicine out (and various other things were left out around the house). While I was sitting there I was being judgemental and wondering why she didn't put those things up. She knew she was having company today afterall. Then it occurred to me. This was not about her being a lousy housekeeper. It was about me being a judgemental perfectionistic people-pleaser. She is actually comfortable enough with who she is that she didn't feel the need to have a perfectly clean spotless house and hide the fact that she has a yeast infection. The Judger has been judged.

A Good Heart

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. ~ Luke 6:45 (NLT)

I got this scripture emailed to me today. (I'm on a list and get a scripture every weekday morning. You can sign up by sending an email.) There are some people in my life that are always negative and there are some people in my life that are always positive. Apparently, this is because of what is in their heart. I've always considered myself a positive person. I have a smile on my face almost all the time. Sure, they are difficult days and days when I am in a bad mood, but I try not to take it out on the people around me. It is (usually) not their fault that I am having a bad day.

This morning I woke up and I had a voice in my head immediately criticizing myself for some things I didn't do yesterday. Bashing myself is NOT a good way to start the day. But then I started making a mental list of the things that I did accomplish and I felt so much better. There were definitely more things done than there were left undone. I am a perfectionist so it is easy for me to spot the bad and the things that are missed. I need to spend more time giving myself (and others) credit for the good and what has been accomplished.

Perfectionism and Procrastination

Today Beula wrote about this topic. A few days ago, Vickie mentioned the same topic. I suffer from these. Actually, I have a tendency to be proud of my perfectionism, but unfortunately it leads to procrastination which is quite embarrassing to me. I hate that I am a procrastinator. It causes me many difficulties.

For example, on Friday afternoon at work I was doing property tax renditions - that were due on Monday. They HAD TO BE in the mail on Friday and I was doing them at the last minute. I have had the forms since JANUARY! Why do I put these things off? I don't know if that is related to my perfectionism...or if it is just matter of not working on things until they absolutely positively have to be done.

I feel so much better when I stay on top of things that need to be done. But when I start lagging behind, I become paralyzed and I don't accomplish anything. I just can't get started. It is like my brain and my body just freeze and all my mind wants to do is play solitaire on the computer, while projects pile up around me.

However, if I can get myself moving and keep the momentum going, I can accomplish so much. I can be very efficient with my time and even amaze myself at how much I can do a little amount of time.

The problem is getting started. A helpful thing I learned from Fly Lady is setting a timer. Just setting a timer for 15 minutes and telling myself that I only have to work for 15 minutes is often all I need to get myself moving. And then once I am moving, I tend to stay in motion. But there are still days where I can not even motivate myself to set the timer. Why is that?

(By the way, I finally got my houseplants watered this evening. Poor houseplants, they are being neglected.)

Beginning Again

Yes, I know. I have said it before, but I am saying it again. I am going to start blogging on a regular basis. You don't believe me, do you? I've been putting it off because I wan't sure what I wanted this blog to be. Is it more of a spiritual journal or a fitness journal or just random thoughts. Basically, I've been putting off starting because I wanted it to be "perfect." I must admit that I suffer from perfectionism and it paralyzes me. I don't start projects because I don't have time to do them perfectly. Or, like this blog, I don't start because I don't have the perfect plan for what I want it to be. I must face the fact, that I will NEVER be perfect. At least not as long as I live on this earth and I struggle with my sinful nature, perhaps in the life to come, God will finally make me perfect or at least He will give me the ability to accept myself as He created me. The one thing I do know is that God is asking me to journal. It is the next step I need to take for my spiritual growth. That is going to be the main purpose of this blog, but I'm sure there will be lots of things written about my fitness and weight maintenance goals and probably a lot of random thoughts too. If you are reading this, I apologize for the jumbled mess that this is going to be, but to steal a line from my dear husband's first (but not yet completed and released) album..."It's Finally Out There."